Most days it’s just Sadie (The Dog), myself and Caleb (The Baby) in the house by ourselves. As we haven’t quite gotten a schedule a down for The Baby, we stay close to home most days in an attempt to find a napping schedule that will stick. In general, I’m not some who needs a lot of conversation (Adam will tell you it took him a long time to get used to my prolonged silences, especially during long car rides), but there are moments when my exasperation with The Baby’s lack of sleeping requires some venting. This is really the only explanation that I can give for the following (that, or I’m becoming a crazy dog lady, but I think that by definition that can’t be true since I also have a baby in the house). As a final caveat, I think it might be important to clarify that The Dog does not actually speak using words (I’m not that far gone), but we all know how much a look can communicate and The Dog has perfected many looks over the past seven months since we brought The Baby home.
Upon The Baby Waking from a Too-Short Nap:
The Dog: Seriously? I was resting peacefully. Why are you not running to make that infernal noise stop?
Me: I got him last time; it is totally your turn.
The Dog: I’m not the one who decided we should have a baby. No one even asked me. He’s your problem.
Me: But I got him last time. And I just sat down. And I’m tired.
The Dog: Seriously, go make that racket stop. Do you not even know how to parent your own child?
Me: Fine, but I’m bringing him out here and putting him down next to you so he can grab your fur for entertainment.
The Dog: Unlike that loud lump, I can actually move by myself so your threats have no effect on me.
Me: Fine. I’m going.
Upon My Telling The Dog To Stop French Kissing The Baby:
The Dog: What?
Me: That’s disgusting.
The Dog: But I was just doing it and you didn’t protest.
Me: There’s a limit. You’ve hit it.
The Dog: Well if you would bathe your child regularly I would not have to do it for you.
Me: It’s bad to bathe a baby too frequently; it will dry out his skin.
The Dog: Hence the importance of the healing powers of dog saliva.
Me: I don’t think that’s a thing.
The Dog: Whatever. I’m out of here. Open the door for me.
Upon The Baby Grabbing The Dog’s Fur and Not Letting Go:
The Dog: Uh. Hello? Get him off me.
Me: You’re the one who started licking him.
The Dog: I was trying to make him smell right. I was doing you a favor. Make him unhand me.
Me: Fine, but I suggest you move away or he’s going to do it again.
(Conversation continues when The Baby inevitable grabs The Dog’s fur again because The Dog does not listen to my sage wisdom nor learn from past experience)
The Dog: Uh. He got me again. A little help?
Me: We’ve been over this. If you don’t want him to grab you, do stand so close to him.
The Dog: And if you don’t want me to growl at him, release me.
Me: You can growl at him all you want, I know you won’t bite him.
The Dog: But I can scare him. Seriously, this hurts. Help a dog out.
Me: Fine, but this is the last time.